There can be no doubt that today’s working environments are both complex and demanding. Fuelled by our increasing appetite for innovation, our reliance on digital solutions, coupled with the fast paced and disruptive nature of global business, everyone is under constant pressure to produce – and quickly. With this backdrop, it is hardly surprising that research is exposing a weakness in modern business leadership and management: the acute inability to have difficult conversations with colleagues and employees.
Although it would be easy to simply point the finger at overburdened leaders and extremely stressful business ecosystems, there are deeper and more fundamental reasons why these tough conversations are being avoided.
Vulnerability: the gateway to courage
Many of us fiercely avoid hard conversations because they make us feel deeply awkward and uncomfortable. Indeed, the thorny and sensitive nature of these conversations goes to the very heart of vulnerability – the emotion we all experience during times of uncertainty, risky or emotional exposure. Naturally, the sudden (and unwelcome) emergence of vulnerability brings up feelings of resistance, which is most often speedily acted upon through blatant avoidance, tapping out or defensive behaviours.
To stop this cycle, it is imperative that we lean into the discomfort of vulnerability and step into courage – the ability to feel both brave and afraid at the exact same time.
Crippling growth & innovation
While it may seem strange to be talking about vulnerability and avoidant behaviours at a time when many businesses are recovering from the impact of the pandemic, it is a critical time to be addressing the issue – primarily because this avoidance is inhibiting workplace productivity and innovation.
When difficult conversations are avoided in the workplace (around performance, the termination of contracts, possible retrenchments, etc), the symptoms that emerge are called ‘moods of resentment’ (frustration) and/or resignation (giving up and checking out because there’s no point). Increasingly, in these cultures you see a lack of participation and robust debate in meetings – and instead you see many forms of back-channelling.
Not only do these behaviours lead to toxic cultures, but they also cripple innovation and creativity within businesses. If nobody feels that it is psychologically safe to speak up, to question or to debate an alternative approach, they shut down or go into transactional, compliant, do-as-you-say mode, and the best you’ll get is group think or status quo behaviours. Or, if they feel that mistakes aren’t tolerated (and are even career limiting), very few will be willing to take on new ‘transformational’ projects.
Embrace daring leadership
First and foremost, this requires embracing the principles of daring leadership: whereby hard conversations are clear, kind and respectful; bold ideas and opinions can be raised and debated to get a diversity of views on the table to shift group think and truly allow for innovation; and mistakes, setbacks and failures are expected and learned from. Importantly, such leadership promotes a culture whereby boundaries and values are clearly articulated – and there’s a true, authentic sense of belonging and inclusivity.
6 ways to prepare for a hard conversation
- Get your head, heart, and body ready for a conversation aimed at curiosity, compassion, connection, and learning.
- Own your contribution to whatever has happened.
- Write down key points in preparation.
- Become present to your inner state and start by breathing, to speak from a more centred part of yourself.
- Sit in a way that demonstrates ‘I’m open’ (arms/legs/ankles unfolded and soft eyes).
- Lean into the discomfort of the conversation no matter what comes up – get curious about what is being said and felt, slow the conversation down, ask questions and when it becomes tough ask for a break and come back to it later. For more information, visit lumminos.co.za
