Learning to love self

From a young age I was taught to love, love one another, to love animals and nature.  I was exposed to my parents love for each other and for me and experienced my Ouma’s special love.

Yet only when I was an adult on a search for understanding myself, did I discover Self-Love and what that entailed, and I still do so daily.  To love oneself is often frowned upon and judged as selfish and being self-absorbed and even arrogant. Growing up in a catholic school it was instilled in us to care for the needy and to give of oneself, which has had its good consequences and contributed to my giving & caring heart.  Yet the other consequence was the loss of myself, as one was taught to put others first.   Very often when one feels broken and incomplete and you are told that you are worthless, be it by word or action, the temptation is to fill oneself up in doing and giving for others to seek fulfilment externally, to unconsciously feel good about yourself and to feel “whole”.   We learn to manipulate people and them us as our need and emptiness drives us and before we know it, we are hooked into a dysfunctional system which is meant to be temporary yet now becomes necessary for survival.  A part of us becomes addicted to the dysfunctional roles and games and we become defined by it. 

It is only when we come at a point in our life when we feel stuck, tired, empty, used, unloved, misunderstood and broken that we start a search for Self and meaning.  And the pathway to Loving oneself back into Life begins.  Unfortunately Healing oneself can be offensive to the people that benefitted from your brokenness,  As a consequence and we experience a few losses on the Journey of Self Discovery and Self Love.

For discovering your Self, your wounds and your strengths becomes a Selfish journey, which it should be, especially when your intent is about healing and becoming whole.  During the journey we often have to withdraw and isolate to retrieve the pieces of ourselves that we had invested in people, places, things times and events. This can be perceived as selfish by others and experienced as Loss to them, Loss of our energy, loss of our contribution to their brokenness and hiding it.  My Beloved Teacher, Ramtha, empowered me that with a Healing intent on becoming whole – Selfish actually is – Self Is!

One has to acknowledge one’s Healing Journey of Self-discovery to those we have been co-dependant on and allow them to experience the process of loss and change, for this loss can be an empowering one.   On my personal journey of Self love I had to observe myself first.

I had to realize that I was a whole person, meaning I had different parts, body, mind, emotions, and spirit and that I had to adopt a compassionate observation of all my parts whilst developing an understanding of the perceptions and attitudes I adopted about myself from a young age.  I had to turn around and notice my inner child and her unmet needs and beliefs of herself and discover the power those needs have and how the beliefs have attracted a series of repetitive patterns on my journey.  I discovered that all along life was trying to get me back to me and my unmet needs and wounds, yet I avoided going within several times before I got it.

I had to shift my perception about those who played important roles in my life, and I had to risk seeing them and their wounds, lacks and needs. It was a rocky journey as many suppressed emotions and unmet needs showed up.  I had to empty those full emotional dustbins I had carried within me, often hiding them, often them spilling over in the wrong place and time.

It was an Emotional spring-cleaning time.  There was many a time I wished I had stayed ignorant as it felt easier to function in a well-known dysfunctional system than being a Conscious Being.  I discovered some parts within me were absolutely foreign to me as certain Beliefs and Structures deterred me from finding them such as religion, social and family beliefs.  So, a lot of Unlearning had to take place which was uncomfortable and demanded presence, patience and self-correcting, as I was re-wiring my Self.  I had to meet my darkest parts, the unloved, shy, worthless parts which were mostly hidden as the fear of not being okay ruled me.  It meant that my journey did take me through the River of Loss, and I had to enter the deep cave of Depression, dark, lonely, scary. However, it was there sitting with it that I discovered my Essence.  And I realized that a pin drop was enough as essence was potent.  I learnt and understood that many of the “painful” experiences I had suffered actually served me as all along it was steering me to go within, to reclaim my power and to develop a relationship with all the parts of me.  I had to focus on the inner dialogue I had with myself and the different parts of me had with each other, as there were some heavy judgements, rejections and even punishment going on in those dialogues.   I reconnected with my spirit, my essence and I developed a friendship and trusting relationship with it.  I allowed it to be part of my journey.

I had to learn to embrace my emptiness so that I could experience my wholeness.

I was focused on learning to Love myself back into life. 

The rewards are many and indescribable.  The rewards were internal yet they affected my external reality and those I shared it with.  Now it is a way of Life for me.  A continuous Journey of Self- development, Self-conquering, Self-exploring, Self-discovering and Self-understanding, Self-forgiving and Self-Loving.

I have no intent in becoming perfect as that would limit my discovery. I have learnt that mistakes are opportunities to embrace more of me and to shine brighter.

Learning to love oneself has become my purpose.  And in doing so I am giving those around me permission to do the same.

If you wish to embark on your Journey to Self-Love: –

1. Become a Compassionate an Understanding Observer of yourself first.
2. Recognize that you are a Whole person. Body, Mind which includes thoughts, perceptions, beliefs and attitudes, Emotions and Spirit
3. Become aware of your relationship with your body, mind, emotions, and spirit
4. Observe the inner dialogue you have with your body, mind, emotions and spirit and the dialogue those parts have with each other
5. Observe your own judgements
6. Start the journey of understanding your thoughts, perceptions, attitudes, beliefs, your emotions, your spirit, and the dialogues you have.
7. Start emptying those full emotional dustbins you have accumulated over the years.
8. Start reminding yourself You have a Choice. Choose new thoughts, choose to stretch your current perceptions of yourself and your past, choose to release, choose to get to know your Spirit, your Essence.
9. Start Self-correcting and Create a new paradigm of thought, word, and deed
10. Allow each thought, word, and deed to be Self Loving!