Make change stick when you really want it

Once upon a time, in a previous life, I worked for one of the big South African financial institutions. In the first three years that I worked there, and it was for the same department, we were moved a minimum of six times. Sometimes it was just across the very large open-plan floor, other times to a different floor in the same building and twice to different buildings altogether. 

The moves were as a result of some restructure, a change in the reporting line of our little department or the wholesale upheaval brought on by a new CEO. It felt like we were being moved around like chess pieces. Time, effort and energy was spent, and a considerable amount of money, but it never really made too much difference. So much movement, so little real change. 

For the balance of my ten year career at this institution, in different divisions and departments, the changes continued unabated. Usually these changes were heralded by a new appointee in an executive position who had bigger, brighter, better ideas. When I witnessed a complete 360 degree move that brought us right back to where we had started five years earlier, I knew it was time for me to move on. 

We may have been taken through a great deal of change, a great deal of upheaval and some level of stress, but I am not convinced that the leadership learnt a whole lot. 

Typically change is not something we humans enjoy. We prefer the tried and tested, the certain and comfortable. Mainly because then our brains don’t have to expend any more energy and we only have so much energy to go around. Renowned neuroscientist  Lisa Feldman Barrett calls it our “body budget” also known as allostasis. Predictability is a happier place for our brains and it is how we manage to survive but change, i.e. exploring the new, the different, and unknown, is necessary for growth and development. As long as it is worth the effort. 

The problem is, we often don’t know whether it will be worth the effort. More uncertainty. However, should we be convinced that it is worth the effort, those desired changes, no matter how good for us, more than likely still do not stick. 

We have all been there. The feedback from our 360 or the performance appraisal rings loud and clear: You really have great potential but for the fact that you: take on too much and do not delegate/micromanage/lose your cool and alienate people. 

It’s not for want of trying, the determination is there. This is my career at stake, dammit! And for a while there is some change, some handing over of projects, letting others do their work without constantly peering over their shoulders or managing to bite your lip when that task goes pear shaped again. After awhile, however, it all gets too much and you are grabbing back all the work, or breathing down your teammates’ necks and yelling at your assistant for too many spelling errors. Oh dear.

Unbeknown to us, behind the scenes, we have a very efficient anxiety-management system* at play. This anxiety management system detects the deeper unconscious commitments that,  if we go against them by changing, if we let go of them, we will die! 

So I will not delegate because if I am not seen to be doing all the time, I am worthless, selfish, and lazy. I micromanage because all good leaders are expected to know what is happening all the time and are held responsible if projects fail. If the work I produce and oversee is not of the exceptionally high standard that I set for myself I will be letting down my team and not giving the 110% quality that I have committed to. 

It is not so much that change itself makes us feel uncomfortable, even if it is quite difficult, rather it is that we are left feeling defenseless before the dangers we “know” are lurking in the dark recesses of our psyches. 

In order to make change stick, we must really, really, really want that change. Then we need the courage to surface the unconscious commitments. This is done with the help of others as we need an external perspective to validate, or add to, our views. So trust is key. Finally an action plan to change those habits can be crafted. 

Although it sounds like a great deal of work and “Big” work at that, the benefits outweigh the time and effort costs. Life and work can be traversed in a more open and less defensive way, with an appreciation of an intrinsic self worth uninhibited by the efforts of a continuous guard in a personal observation post. 

*Kegan, R; Lahey, L. L. (2009)  “Immunity to Change. How to overcome it and unlock the potential in yourself and your organisation.” Boston, MA: Harvard Business Press