The Five Love Languages: How do we reconnect with our loved ones?

Understanding how we communicate and receive love is key to building connected relationships.

I recently found my copy of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and I was reminded that some of our most fundamental needs as human beings include the need to feel connected, accepted, and loved. Given the events of the last two years, people have been experiencing the exact opposite: many continue to feel disconnected, isolated, and fearful.

I have spent time thinking about ways to reconnect with people in my own life, and have found the love language principles a good reminder of how to do just that. It is important to note that this is only one piece of the puzzle to figuring out how to connect with your loved ones (spouses, children, siblings, etc.) deeply and meaningfully, but it is a practical start to better understanding how they feel appreciated and loved, and how they communicate love and appreciation to you.

The thinking behind the love languages is that we each express and receive love in five ways – i.e., five ‘emotional love languages’. Chapman says: “Your emotional love language and the language of your loved one may be as different as Chinese from English, and no matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your loved one only understands Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other.”

Here are some tips for understanding what the five love languages are, and how to make use of them.

Love Language	How to communicate	Actions to take
Words of Affirmation	Verbal acknowledgments	You can say these things to your loved one to help them feel loved and acknowledged: I really appreciate you when you do… I am proud of you because… Thank you for making me feel safe and loved
Physical Touch	Non-verbal – you can use body language and touch to express love	A hug can show that you care about them or that you empathise with their situation A hand on the shoulder indicates that you acknowledge them
Receiving gifts	Give visual symbols of love – it’s not about the cost of the gift but the thought behind it	Acknowledge special occasions with a gift – your loved one will feel seen, cared for, and prized Small, unexpected gifts are powerful symbols that you are thinking about them
Quality Time	Uninterrupted, focused conversations and one-on-one time is important	Practice active listening when you are with your loved one (eye contact, acknowledging what they are saying) Give your loved one your undivided attention while talking to them (NB: avoid looking at your device)
Acts of Service	Actions speak louder than words, so it is important to show your support by physically completing an activity or task for or on behalf of your loved one	If you see your loved one feeling stressed or tired, alleviate their burden by completing a task on their behalf. This will show them that you acknowledge the pressure they’re under and that you support them Doing something for your loved one shows that they can rely on you and trust that you will be there for them

(Table adapted from source: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained)

Don’t forget to use this information to ask your loved ones to show you love in a way that speaks to your love language. If you’re interested in finding out what your primary love language is, you can take a free quiz here.