Understanding how we communicate and receive love is key to building connected relationships.
I recently found my copy of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and I was reminded that some of our most fundamental needs as human beings include the need to feel connected, accepted, and loved. Given the events of the last two years, people have been experiencing the exact opposite: many continue to feel disconnected, isolated, and fearful.
I have spent time thinking about ways to reconnect with people in my own life, and have found the love language principles a good reminder of how to do just that. It is important to note that this is only one piece of the puzzle to figuring out how to connect with your loved ones (spouses, children, siblings, etc.) deeply and meaningfully, but it is a practical start to better understanding how they feel appreciated and loved, and how they communicate love and appreciation to you.
The thinking behind the love languages is that we each express and receive love in five ways – i.e., five ‘emotional love languages’. Chapman says: “Your emotional love language and the language of your loved one may be as different as Chinese from English, and no matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your loved one only understands Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other.”
Here are some tips for understanding what the five love languages are, and how to make use of them.
Love Language | How to communicate | Actions to take |
Words of Affirmation | Verbal acknowledgments |
You can say these things to your loved one to help them feel loved and acknowledged:
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Physical Touch | Non-verbal – you can use body language and touch to express love |
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Receiving gifts | Give visual symbols of love – it’s not about the cost of the gift but the thought behind it |
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Quality Time | Uninterrupted, focused conversations and one-on-one time is important |
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Acts of Service | Actions speak louder than words, so it is important to show your support by physically completing an activity or task for or on behalf of your loved one |
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(Table adapted from source: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained)
Don’t forget to use this information to ask your loved ones to show you love in a way that speaks to your love language. If you’re interested in finding out what your primary love language is, you can take a free quiz here.