From the time we are born the people around us start to communicate with us. Through sounds, facial expressions, smiles, and touch. As we grow words are shared with us to express love, joy, support, safety, anger, sadness, grief, disappointment and more. We start talking and we call it communicating. We learn from our Parents, Teachers, Friends and Community. Yet that does not mean we are really communicating. Rather we are talking. Proper communication needs feedback and participation. It needs a listener and a reflector. No one actually teaches us communication skills unless we have an interest in developing them. We often hit brick walls and potholes in our relationships, be it with a partner, our parents, our children or at work and we realize our communication skills suck. Poor communication is the cause of the majority of conflict in our relationships.
To understand proper Communication perhaps we learn from our mistakes. Have you ever felt unheard or misunderstood? I can almost guarantee it was due to poor communication.
Have you ever assumed something about someone or a situation or something was assumed about you by someone else? Chances are it was due to poor communication.
The lack of open and clear communication opens the opportunity for so many things to be taken personally and assumed and we can play power games with the way we communicate or don’t communicate.
Communication is not just about an exchange of words. We exchange feelings, support, and nurturing. Our body language forms a part of our communication and can be easily misinterpreted.
I believe Communication skills should be a part of our curriculum and it would save us a lot of pain.
Communication is a process, a dance with words, feelings, and expressions; and it takes two to tango they say.
Whenever I teach Communication skills it involves self-awareness as so much is revealed in how we do or don’t communicate. It offers us an opportunity to a deeper understanding of ourselves, our relationships and our reality.
Many of us have experienced some form of dysfunction in our lives, perhaps due to trauma or loss or perhaps we were born into a dysfunctional system and never knew anything else. If so, our communication is also dysfunctional, filled with denial, avoidance, manipulation, control, suppressing or domineering to survive. Before we can learn new communication skills, we have to unlearn some of the bad habits we have picked up during our dysfunction and survival.
Learning how to communicate openly and clearly is learning to live consciously and to recognize the power of our words. As the quote says, “Words cast spells”. That’s why it’s called SPELLING. Words are energy. Choose them wisely.
Communication involves the following process:
Self-Awareness
You as a whole person – body, mind, emotions, and spirit
Understanding loss and how it affects us
Listening vs hearing
Listening to understand not listening to fix
Using door openers – inviting the person to share more
Reflecting
Reflecting – content and feeling
Understanding what reflecting content does
Understanding what reflecting feelings does
Empathy – understanding the difference between empathy and sympathy
Reflecting empathy
Learning how not to go home with the other persons shoes
The art of Questioning
Exploring
Understanding the difference between conflict and confrontation
The art of confrontation
Understanding blocks in communication
Understanding the dysfunctional system
Problem solving. Resources within as outside
Empowering Life skills. Understanding death, dying and grief
The power of attitude and perception
Communication as a whole person
Communicating with self. Inner dialogues between body, mind, emotions, and spirit
Relationships and communication
I offer Self-Awareness plus Communication, Counselling and Life skills over 5 months. Weekly classes where you learn a skill and have a week to practice the skill in your own reality.
The course is called “The Art of Conscious Living” and will change your life forever, enhance your communication and relationships. Feel free to contact me for more information Marisa.dfw@gmail.com
