How to negotiate better
Are you a negotiator? If you’ve ever had to negotiate with a toddler to eat their dinner or negotiate with a spouse on which movie to watch, you’re a negotiator. We use negotiation almost every day. In our personal lives and in business. Here’s how to become better at it.
Look with your eyes. Human beings are great at subterfuge. We can deceive and pretend. That’s what makes us such great storytellers! But it’s really our capacity to deceive ourselves that’s a truly remarkable trait. I have found myself in negotiation situations where I hope for the best. I want to believe that the situation is more positive than it truly is. I have time and time again deceived myself when (with hindsight) I should have seen the truth. In George Martin’s Game of Thrones Arya Stark’s sword master tells her “Look with your eyes.” It means to look at things as they truly are, not as you want them to be. Go into negotiation with your eyes truly open.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. We are very clear on what we want. We think we know what the other side wants So, sometimes that overconfidence stops us from doing the hard work. The biggest element of negotiation is the preparation. Abraham Lincoln reportedly said that when he gets ready to negotiate with a man, he spends 10% of the time thinking about himself and 90% of the time thinking about the other guy. It’s worth it spending time preparing. It will get you closer to a win:win.
Know when to walk away. You should know what your BATNA is – the “Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement” from the Harvard Negotiation Project, explained in the book “Getting To Yes”. It is the best option you have if negotiation fails to achieve an agreement. Failure to decide beforehand what you’re prepared to accept, will put you in a position of less power. And remember: the other side also has a BATNA. Try to see if you can figure out what it is before you get to the negotiation.
Negotiate from interest rather than position. Here’s an example: in a negotiation course I attended years ago an exercise included negotiating for a limited number of avocados. Both parties wanted the avos and negotiated hard to get the best price. Their position was to get as many avocadoes as they could. It was a win:lose situation – I win if I get the avos and you lose. And teams who stuck to their positions, achieved this win:lose outcome. But teams that asked questions about what the avos will be used for and why the person needed so many avos, got to the heart of the situation: the case study directed one person to only use the flesh and the other person to have access to the pips. As soon as this conversation was had, a much better deal could be negotiated where both parties had access to all the avos. So, always ask questions.
Don’t get caught in a zero-sum mindset. Negotiation does not need to be a competition. In fact, the best outcomes in negotiation might need collaboration rather than competition. I remember hearing a story about a negotiation exercise where two teams had to bid against one another. If they competed, neither team would win. But if they collaborated, both would win. The facilitator told me that the only group who got this right, was a group of Swiss bankers. They realized that the only way to get the best returns for everyone, was to collaborate. When I share this concept with my clients, they are initially shocked. “We are taught that compromise is the best outcome,” a client told me. “I never thought that it could destroy value.” Compromise, on the surface, sounds like a great idea. I give a little, you give a little and we get to an agreement. But neither of us really get what we want. If you compromise too soon, both parties stand to lose by giving up what they really want. Go into the conversation looking for the win:win rather than compromise. Be tenacious by investigating alternatives and creative solutions that will lead to both parties getting what they want.
